Preparing For The Run Of My Life

Oooo so dramatic. Sound so “life or death” one. Wakaka

Anyhoo, it’s nothing serious lah. Drama only. Just that in three weeks’ time, I’ll be doing my FIRST EVER 42.195km (a FULL marathon, folks!). Hopefully I’ll finish in one piece and within the cut-off time of 7 hours and still able to walk straight the next day. Miahaha

By the way, a marathon IS a distance of 42.195km. Half of it is called a half-marathon. A 3km run is not a marathon. A 10K run is not either.

I have to say that I’m having a panic attack now. Panic attacks means panicky training. In a bout of panic, I took a day off yesterday just so I could do a semblance of a hilly tempo run at Lake Garden. I call it a semblance because I did an 8:00min+ pace (when I was supposed to do a 7:20) for a “mere” 14km run! I’m seriously thinking of taking another day off at the end of March to slot in a bit more hill trainings.

3 loops around the lake and up the deer park on Wednesday and I was ready to throw in the towel. That was just at 10km! Zaini took pity on me and asked me to run together with him to Dataran Merdeka to get more distance. It was a sorry sight, me shuffling along slowly from Bank Rakyat back to Lake Garden.

You know you’re in deep shit when you can’t even handle the bump along Padang Merbok. T____T

Deep shit or otherwise, must look nice if take photo. At Dataran Merdeka. 10.45am. Wednesday. Just 1km+ left to complete my 14km run that day.

Despite being in Week 15 of an 18 weeks training program, I am now second-guessing myself. Am I doing OK? Is this enough? How will I fare? Should I review my training? I am so far from ready. The questions, self-doubt and anxiety aren’t helping me one bit.

I went into the training program feeling positive and almost gung-ho about it, but recently I am having doubts about myself. I attribute it to my less-than-strong mental strength mostly. That and simply put, pure laziness.

I mean, during the first half into the program – I’d push myself and managed to get on target pace or almost at target pace for my training runs. Heck! I managed to kinda near-achieve my target pace doing 25K at Newton too!

But now… have I burnt out? Feeling stale? I’m not getting any faster. Actually, I know I am getting slower. Waaaaay slower. I feel I’m not getting stronger either. Endurance? What endurance? At Brooks Half Marathon, I walked up all those hills! Lazy bum!

I also can’t help feeling envious at fellow runners who seems to be relishing their full marathon training. They all have progressed so far ahead of me. And I’m still stuck in a rut.

There probably isn’t much that I can do now, with a mere three weeks to the Malaysia Women Marathon. Other than try and inject a sense of false bravado and trundle ahead.

Ah well… good luck me.

Note to self : die-die must finish that 32km run that I have yet done, this Sunday. Plus, must run all the way up the hill of Taman Wawasan! Stop being a wuss!

Another note to self : despite all the worrying over this marathon, I can’t help but marvel at how far I’ve gone. From my first race in Sep 2011 to my first half-marathon in June 2012 to my first full marathon in Apr 2013! How going for a 20+km run is now done very matter-of-fact’ly. Slow or otherwise, I’ve finished 7 half-marathons from June last year to March this year! ^^

All thanks to the staunch support from Zaini and Raimie. Without their understanding and patience, a full marathon would not be reachable for me. *muaks*